The Importance of Being Goofy: Part I

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Bob Sehlinger, founder of the Unofficial Guides Series, shares with us his sense of humor in every Unofficial Guide. Today he delivers the first of several installments of The Importance of Being Goofy, which has been a staple in The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World over the years.

You see, what really makes writing about Walt Disney World fun is that the Disney people take everything so seriously. Day to day, they debate momentous decisions with far-ranging consequences: Will Pluto look silly in a silver cape? Have we gone too far with The Little Mermaid’s cleavage? With the nation’s drug problem, a constant concern, should we have a dwarf named Dopey? 

Unofficially, Bob thinks that having a sense of humor is important, and it’s probably necessary that you, too, pack a good dose of humor when visiting the parks, making sure you have the most fun possible at Walt Disney World. Today’s installment of The Importance of Being Goofy deals with Disney royalty. So here we go…

The Importance of Being Goofy

The Disney character physician is having lunch with the director of park operations when the doc’s phone rings. . . . 

“Excuse me,” he says. “It’s the fertility clinic—I’d better take it.” Getting up, he exits the restaurant and returns a few minutes later looking concerned. 

“It’s the darndest thing,” the doctor says. “But there’s not a thing wrong with any of them. . . .” 

“Any of whom?” the director asks. “The Disney princes and princesses. They all checked out fine.” The director can’t believe his ears. He stares at the doctor. “Wait a minute—are you telling me that you sent the Disney princes and princesses to a fertility clinic?” 

The Importance of Being Goofy

“Just the human ones who are married, plus the Beast. I didn’t send Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Daisy, Lady and the Tramp, and a bunch of others who’ve been coupled up for decades.” 

Still stupefied, the director stammers, “Why? I didn’t even know there was a problem.” 

“Well, the characters have never complained, but most have been married for years and years, and, um . . . haven’t you noticed that none of them have any children?” 

“I’ve never given it any thought, but it’s fewer high-earning characters on my payroll.” 

“Well, I’ve given it plenty of thought. We’re locked in a blood-feud competition with Universal, and their characters are having babies right and left. Shrek and Princess Fiona alone have been popping out little ogres and ogreettes like crazy.” 

The director gives the doctor a hard look. “I could have told you there’s nothing wrong physically with the princes and princesses.” 

“If that’s the case, why aren’t they having children? Don’t they know about the birds and the bees?” 

“The birds and the bees shall not be spoken of at Disney! But that’s not why they don’t have kids.” 

“Then why?” The director leans across the table to keep from being overheard. 

“Why do you think princes and princesses live ‘happily ever after?’ ” 

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